TAMMY KAY CHOW
Somatic Attachment Facilitator
THE MALE GAZE DETOX
How much of your life have you been organizing around being chosen?
Five rituals to find out — and find your way back.
Ritual 3
Closet Audit
Yesterday you felt it in your body.
Today we get curious about money.
Your closet is one of the most honest records of where your energy has been going. What you bought, what you reach for, what you wear when you want to feel powerful — and who that power is actually for.
This isn't about shame.
It's about seeing clearly. Because most of us have been spending — money, time, energy, mental space — in service of the internalized male gaze without ever consciously deciding to.
When I did this exercise myself, I was shocked. So much of my budget had been quietly organizing itself around one thing: being chosen. Being desirable. Feeling safe through being attractive.
Once I could see it, I had a choice. And that felt like power.
Watch the video first, then carve out an hour or two for the exercise below.
Press play:
Ritual:
Go to your closet. Pull out your favorite outfits — the ones you reach for most. Try each one on.
As you wear each piece, ask yourself honestly:
Does this feel like it's for my comfort, my pleasure, my joy?
Or does this feel like it's for external validation — to feel hot, attractive, desirable, powerful through being seen?
Separate them into two piles. No judgment. Just honesty.
Then sit with what you find. How much of your closet — and your budget — has been quietly organized around being chosen?
.png)
Journaling Questions:
Light a candle and set aside time to reflect.
1. What did you find in your two piles? What was the ratio? What surprised you?
2. When you put on the pieces that were "for the gaze" — what did you feel in your body? Relief? Power? Anxiety? Comfort? Something else?
3. Think about a time you spent money on clothing while dating or trying to attract someone. What were you really trying to buy? What need was underneath it?
4. If you redirected even a fraction of that time, energy, and money — what would you put it toward? What has been waiting for that resource?
5. What would it feel like to get dressed purely for yourself? What would you wear?
Let this land as a contemplation. Lookout for the next ritual in your inbox in a few days.
Love,
Tammy